Kat and I just finished a box of fortune cookies. The rest of the world probably doesn’t get why Australians (and maybe New Zealanders) start singing about Kong Foo Sing when anyone mentions fortune cookies.

Kong Foo Sing is a brand of fortune cookies you often find in Brisbane and Sydney. It’s also the name of Regurgitator’s breakout song – about fortune cookies. It was released in my final year of high school, so it holds a special place in my heart.

Just between you and me, here are some of today’s fortunes.

Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.

Great souls have wills; feeble ones only have wishes.

Good news will come to you by mail.

An old broom knows the dirty corners best.
Excuse me? Are you implying I’m some kind of dirty aged slapper?

Never use a hatchet to remove a fly from the forehead of a friend.
…

No, really, why do you need to be reminded not to use a hatchet near a friend’s forehead?

It is hard to stumble when you’re on your knees.
Whatever ancient Chinese spirit imparted this wisdom clearly got stuck into the horny goat weed and/or a subscription to Hustler.

A sly rabbit will have three openings to its den.
Maybe the ancient Chinese spirit reads black label Playboy, not Hustler.

Today is Father’s Day, and I’d like to give a shout out to my dad. We shared a box of fortune cookies, and he did not read out the serial number on the back of his fortune as if it were the fortune. Nice work, Dad, you just cost me five bucks.